It's Me!

please and thank you

2011-04-24T20:14:00.000-07:00

just go home, back to new jersey, and stay there. stay away from my home town and let me be happy.

you are a player and a heartbreaker. neither auburn nor me needs anymore of those hangin around.

so get out. and stay far away. out of sight, out of mind thank you very much. have fun with you new little girlfriend.

and i promise you, i won't be here waiting when you come back to school in august.

so buh bye darlin. you lose.

Words to Live By

2011-03-08T18:39:00.000-08:00

I believe that this is a practical world and that I can count only on what I earn. Therefore, I believe in work, hard work.

I believe in education, which gives me the knowledge to work wisely and trains my mind and my hands to work skillfully.

I believe in honesty and truthfulness, without which I cannot win the respect and confidence of my fellow men.

I believe in a sound mind, in a sound body and a spirit that is not afraid, and in clean sports that develop these qualities.

I believe in obedience to law because it protects the rights of all.

I believe in the human touch, which cultivates sympathy with my fellow men and mutual helpfulness and brings happiness for all.

I believe in my Country, because it is a land of freedom and because it is my own home, and that I can best serve that country by "doing justly, loving mercy, and walking humbly with my God."

And because Auburn men and women believe in these things, I believe in Auburn and love it.
-George Petrie (1945)

Focus!

2011-03-08T08:04:00.003-08:00

beach beach beach beach beach beach

and a little more beach beach beach!

spring break 2011 come on!

A Royal Screw Up

2011-02-28T17:15:00.000-08:00

1. i forgot to write down a couple checks i wrote so now i have a very tiny amount of money
2. Spring Break is in two weeks. number one now sucks even more. how am i going to eat and party for seven days at the beach with no money.
3. I have two midterms and two exams between wednesday and thursday and am so unprepared and starting to panic.
4. i have my nursing interview saturday and im terrified.
5. i had my heart broken by a player who played me like a boss. i fell hard for him and half of that is my fault for not stopping myself from letting go of everything. it hurts so much. i was so stupid.
6. everything just feels so unstable and i'm about to lose it.

God help me, please.
bring me back home to that girl i was raised to be.

I Still Believe in Auburn and Love It

2011-02-20T18:38:00.001-08:00

toomer's corner may never be the same again. we may never be able to use it as a celebration for a tiger win or be able to take wedding pictures underneath them or just purely enjoy the trees because of a malicious act by a rival fan.
but you can't ruin our spirit.
you can't tear the auburn family apart.
try and try again, it still won't happen.
so war eagle.
forever.

Heartbroken

2011-02-05T20:57:00.000-08:00

i want to stop hurting.
please?

WTF

2011-02-03T17:37:00.001-08:00

you know when you can tell you're getting pushed aside for another girl? yea well knowing doesn't make it any easier. he's just after the next "new" thing. i'm hurting. and to rub it in even more, she just happens to be all cute and little and loud and pretty and a majorette.

damn. and i really liked him too.

i hate heartbreak.

Hope

2011-01-18T06:21:00.000-08:00

"don't you wanna stay here a little while?
don't you wanna hold each other tight?
don't you wanna fall asleep with me tonight?
don't you wanna stay here a little while?
we can make forever feel this way,
don't you wanna stay?"

i want him to tell me this. please.

A Continuation

2011-01-06T18:43:00.000-08:00

new hair, new attitude. (see previous post)

Times Are A-Changin

2011-01-06T17:29:00.000-08:00

what the hell am i doing?! making bad decisions that's what. and i need to stop, i know that.

**but i don't want to**

it's so nice just letting go and not trying to be perfect. just doing what i want without thinking. it feels good to be bad.

2010-12-23T19:55:00.000-08:00

what a night! here's to everything that's good in life :)
wareaglehey
f***all haters

What A Fall Semester!

2010-11-30T15:37:00.000-08:00

WAR EAGLE! just about sums it up.

It's Just a Blur of Old Memories

2010-07-07T12:03:00.000-07:00

i was just looking back over my blogs(which i started two years ago almost) and i don't even know the girl who started it anymore. she's nothing but a shadow of a memory now.
that girl was innocent and care free.
where did she go?
a little of her needs to come back.
please.
i need to learn how to open my heart again.

Free As We'll Ever Be..

2010-06-29T09:36:00.000-07:00

LIFE IS GOOD.
love god, love people

Honey, I Pray For You

2010-05-21T06:25:00.000-07:00

So Tyler is offcially gone, friends or otherwise. he's the one i have more than a couple blogs about. basically i've fought really hard to maintain his friendship and he was doing well until spring break. since then he's become even more disrespectful and cruel. about a week ago he was so nasty and mean for no reason at all that i was just shocked. he was cursing at me and threatening to never talk to me again and blah blah. so a couple days later i told him i wanted to stop fighting and come to a peace. he said it was impossible and that i was a backstabber who he couldn't be associated with. ok. whatever. it was bull crap. i'll never get straight answers and i'm tired of this crap. the manipulation, emotional and verbal attacks. for two years. i'm DONE! he's a screwed up person and has serious issues and i've finally realzied i don't have to take the disrespect and intentional cruelness. it's not my job to fix him or save him or whatever. and as much as i'm that person who doesn't want to give up on somebody, when my personal emotional state is messed with so much that i can barely get through, something's gotta give. and he made his choice. just wish i had done it first. because over the last couple years he's been the backstabber and the one who caused so much pain to me. so buh bye.
i'll just sum up my feelings towards him with a song:

"Sometimes we get angry but we must not condemn,
Let the good lord do his job, you just pray for them...

I pray your brakes go out runnin down a hill,
I pray a flower pot falls from a window sill
And knocks you in the head like i'd like to.
I pray your birthday comes and nobody calls
I pray you're flyin high when your engine stalls.
I pray all your dreams never come true.
Just know wherever you are, honey, I pray for you."

<3 you forever, tyler. (psh. yeah right! :p)

It Had Better Be Tonight

2010-04-10T23:40:00.000-07:00

so tiger eye tryouts were today..my third year..holy crap! when did this happen???? anyways i made it and will be participating in the Auburn University Marching Band Flag Line for the 2010 football season!! war damn eagle!

Today Was A Fairy Tale Kind Of Day

2010-02-13T19:14:00.000-08:00

absolutely beautiful snow in auburn! it was a gorgeous winter wonderland for one and a half days (enough for me by the way) and it was mesmerizing. snow falling is probably one of the most beautiful things in the whole world. there is just nothing else like it. OMGOSH! it was a fairy tale kind of day.

Catch Up

2010-01-13T18:42:00.000-08:00

outback bowl pep rally..sheikra rollar coaster in background :)
kendall and me on christmas

molly and me in dallas!

me and a friend at a party

me and my best friend in the world, molly!

happy halloween!!

kisses for aubie

well hey ya'll, it's been a while. things have changed a bit since the last time i wrote. people i considered best friends "forgot" me, causing quite an emotionally painful fall semester. a lot of anger and a lot of tears. then comes christmas break/new year and i finally accept that there are some things that will never get an answer to the question "why?" and that i didn't do anything wrong and it wasn't my fault. recently i was able to finally talk to these people and explain all of the hurt i felt and they apologized, sincerely. the reasoning to them was they were so busy and they weren't purposefully ignoring me and after i tried to talk to them around october they realized i was hurt and angry, and decided to let me "cool off". this was dumb of them, i mean, hello!, it's me..i would never have thought of that. ugh! so anyway, now i have to decide if i can let the hurt go and forget. because i've forgiven them, i just need to figure out if i want them in my lives. this may seem a little dramatic that i would consider letting go forever these two friends after this but i promise there is other stuff that i don't care to discuss on a blog. this whole thing was the icing on the cake of a very rocky end to summer.

well anyways with this i've made new friends who seem to want me around and are guinuenly happy when i come to hangout. but still it was especially hard early on in the semester. being around them made me so sad it hurt. but little by little the hurt eased. yeah i still miss "the group" but maybe i'm better off this way. change happens and it has to be accepted or else you'll go crazy. living in the past does absolutely nothing for you. besides focus on the past=missing out on the present=bad! so..

"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."

Ok, in other news. AUMB was as fun as ever! we did a spicy latin show that included gorgeous flags, high kicks, splits, and all around sassy hip shakin! we also did a fun show that included a gospel tune, when the saints go marching in, and south ramparts. how many times does halloween fall on a home football saturday? not many..so we go to do such a fun theme show including thriller (of course), night on bald mountain, the shining/halloween movie themes, and phantom of the opera. cap off the season with a fantastic bowl trip to tampa for a week! :)

parties and boys and such were fun too. :) the fun stuff that comes a long with college. oh and i learned how to really study. ended the semester with a good GPA! :)

oh yeah..and i've finally decided on my major. im going to be a nurse...most likely a pediatric nurse to be more accurate. i really want to be able to maybe help a child and if i cannot do that, at least make their trip to the doctor- whether it's for a check up or for a serious illness- a little more fun..maybe bring a smile to a hurting face.

Wait...I'm Not a Freshman Anymore? Whaaaat??

2009-08-21T12:04:00.000-07:00

2009-2010 AU Flag Line :)

2009-2010 Auburn University Tiger Eyes

And I Thank My Lucky Stars I'm Alive and Well

2009-08-07T18:27:00.000-07:00

Crying is not exactly what most people-including myself-would call fun. But you know what, sometimes letting those tears cascade without attempting to stem the flow is so very good for your well being. Crying releases that poison that has been coarsing through you for how ever long. You know that poison I'm talking about-sadness, hate, anger, whatever-the kind that is so suffocating that it feels like the weight cannot be lifted. Crying lightens the load, if only for a short time. But that short bit of freedom is enough to make you realize that you'll be ok in the end. So let it out. Tears have a surprising healing power that should not be underestimated.

You Know What I Want?

2009-05-17T18:36:00.000-07:00

I want a love that's unfailing, forever plus eternity, a love that doesn't fade. I saw that today while I was working. It was pouring down rain and this old couple, probably in their 70s or 80s get out of the car. The man holds the umbrella over his wife so that she doesn't get wet, even though he does. He also follows behind her with a gentle, guiding hand so that she, being a woman in her 80's, doesn't slip and fall. It was one of those moments that would look beautiful in an old black and white photograph. Now that's real love, a love that has grown and blossomed, not a love that has been torn and throw away. This love was like coming home, an everlasting, beautiful, absolute comfort that allows one to be so deeply connected with another that they are literally halves of each other. One cannot function without the other. True soulmates. I sincerely hope that everyone can find that. I hope I can find that.

I Think I'll Try Defying Gravity and You Can't Pull Me Down

2009-04-22T18:19:00.000-07:00

:) <33333

bored on the two hour car ride to birmingham

getting ready to leave..all dressed up for the show

casino royale

so last weekend was fun..i went back to prom (boy did i feel OLD). the theme was james bond-casino royale. i kept it simple with a shimmery black dress and i had a good time. and sunday i saw wicked. that was absolutely phenomenal. definitely a must see. and two weeks from today i will be officially done with my freshman year! woah! it went fast..but that's for another blog.

What A Desperatly Sad Time

2009-04-05T20:30:00.000-07:00

One bright spot: I made the Tiger Eyes Flag Line again for the 2009-2010 season! :)
These last couple weeks have been terrible ones. On the not as important side I recieved a heartache (yes just an ache not a break) by the same guy again..you'd think I'd learn but Idon't. He's says I'm special and beautiful and he wants to be with me but then decides he just can't have a girlfriend right now and rips the floor out from under my feet. Time to move on for real this time I think. But I really cared about him. I felt safe with him and trusted him and believed everything he said. And maybe he really has too much stuff going on to treat a girlfriend right or maybe not but regardless of the truth, I'm left hurt.
Getting a little more serious. My best friend is gone. Not physically, but I've lost her. She's not my best friend anymore. We don't have that thing anymore where we always talk, always can tell whether the other needs a smile, a hand to hold, a goofy girls night...I've seen her maybe twice in the last month. And it hurts so horribly bad. She was there during the worst time in mylife a few years back, she was there through the first heartbreaks and silly crushes and first kisses. I could always count on her to understnad, to empathize, to laugh with, to cry with and vice versa. Now if we hang out, there are a lot more awkward silences and nothing to talk about. It's not there anymore and it breaks my heart. I'll always be here if she needs me of course but I don't know if we'll ever be the same again.
Now on to the serious stuff. A student was killed in a car crash last Thursday night. His name was Brandon. He was 19, graduated with me from Auburn High, and was a freshman at Auburn. I wasn't close to him but it shook me when I heard. Not only was it someone from my school, but he was MY age. It could've been anyone of my close friends, it could've been me. It's not fair that someone who as just a freshman in college was killed in a freak car accident involving hydroplaning and another car. He was only beginning to make his way in the world. Why does shit like this happen? It's just so scary to think that life is so cruel sometimes. It makes me terribly sad when I think of how close to home this could've hit. And when I think of the parents who had to bury their child today..no parent should ever EVER have to go through that..tears just fall. It's just not right. I ask in prayer: Dear Lord please be with the family, girlfriend, and friends he left behind. Please help them grieve and pull through. Help them to accept this terrible tragedy and understand that they will see him again some day in heaven. Help them look to you for peace and and a sense of calm when they feel like they are slipping under. Just be with them. And please take Brandon into your arms in heaven. In Your name I pray, Amen.

Alabama Weather

2009-03-09T08:04:00.000-07:00

beautiful stuff

is crazy! In ONE weekend we had a tornado, then 70 and sunny, and then SNOWWWWW! :)

I Recall The Times We've Had, Hangin On My Wall

2009-02-04T21:43:00.000-08:00

Everything is my fault. Or so I was told. Good bye my old friend. Obviously I wasn't good enough for you to keep as a friend and I was informed of such tonight. You wanted to date me again. We were doing so well, our friendship was on stable ground. I haven't heard from you since you asked me to date..again(and I have no way to get in touch with you since your phone is dead. and you never get on facebook) after this summer's disasterous attempt in which you double crossed me. I finally "chat" with you tonight on facebook. It's all my fault you say that you have let me go. Well if you are ready to give up this friendship and blame it all on "stuff going on" that you refuse to talk to me about, you let this be your reason. "You don't know me! You don't know my life!" Well I've tried. I can't read minds. You can't expect me to understand what is happening to you if you never let me, or anyone else for that matter, in..even the slightest bit. So once again I'm not good enough to be your friend. I don't do the right thing, right according to you anyway. "Kthxbye" was the end of it. Then I was deleted from your friends. I'll be surprised if I ever hear from you again. Wow. I just can't believe you would end a friendship after this long. I'm afraid that I'm gonna be saying "I have no idea where or who he is today" down the road in the future. And that hurts. No matter how badly you treated me friends or otherwise. The idea of never seeing or hearing from a friend again is terrifying. But obviously you're manipulative lying self made me believe that you cared when really I was just another person for you to use and then let fall off the ledge. So it's good-bye. And this time I think it's for real. So good-bye my old friend. I will not forget you ever. People, good and bad, have entered my life and left footprints on my heart. I guess you weren't meant to be a forever friend. Good-bye.

I Did Promise..

2009-01-28T20:06:00.001-08:00

we're awesome. don't argue. :)

So here are some lovely pictures from the new year! Not much new is happening execpt that I got roped into playing intramural basketball..which btw I suck at..but that's ok..it's all good fun..until we get competetive :)

It snowed in Tennessee!!!!!! I love it!

Watching our undefeated lady tigers beat some bama butt!

Back to the good ole trampoline days :)

here are some pictures from new year's eve!

me getting ready to karoke. and then some of the group!

A Random Note

2009-01-13T19:14:00.000-08:00

This is ridiculous..who on earth should have that many books for one semester? UGGHHHHH!

We wrapped up the AUMB season at our banquet..it was really sad! I miss running pregame already! And seeing all of my awesome friends!

Next item of business..time for a little ranting. why on earth is it that it seems all guys want from me is hook ups hook ups hook ups..(and i mean really hooking up not just kissing). I mean is chilvary really dead?? It shouldn't be! Why do they only want me to have sex with themmmm???? This is not fair! I just want a sweet guy! UGHHHHHGGGHHH!

School has started again as you can see from my lovely book picture.. i am taking principles of microeconomics, honors writing seminar II, biology II, ethics, and world history..pretty big course load..16 hours. But more free time because of no band. :(

Once again I am trying to lose weight because it is very possible that i gained every pound of the 15 I'd lost when i was being healthy back. i dont know for sure becasue i haven't gotten on a scale but i can tell i've gained weight. ew. so back to food logs and eating right all the time and doing ellipitcal and ab work until i fall over. lol. time to make another workout playlist on the old i-pod lol.

It's been pretty quiet since I got back to the dorms..but Miami over Christmas was beautiful..great beach weather.. And New Years Eve was fantastic in Auburn..

oh and p.s. once i get my other new years pics and random stuff uploaded i'll put another picture blog in!

Country Singers Say It Just Right..

2009-01-01T10:05:00.000-08:00

"You can't smile until you've shed some tears....I love this crazy, tragic, sometimes almost magic, awful beautiful life." ~Darryl Worley

It's true. Life..it's just a whirlwind. There are gonna be bad times, sad times, hard times, and even terrible times but then of course life is also gonna bless you with sweet, calming, exciting, and hilarious moments that make those awful times bearable.

Yes people pass away, families are broken, friends lie, hearts get ripped apart, people get hurt. BUT people will surprise you too..they can be a great source of comfort, love, and happiness and be there to celebrate the good times which are more than just few and far between.

This is why through the rough stuff and the sucky stuff you have to keep your head held high and do your best to smile through adversity. You have to accept that it's going to happen. Don't run from it. Turn around and look it dead in the eye and face. You don't want to be running for your whole life anyway..do you? Eventually you'd get tired.

You just have to hope that there will be more good times than bad. Remember that darkness doesn't last forever, eventually it will clear. Hang on tight and love the ride.

My New Years Revealation :)
Happy 2009!

:)

2008-12-12T13:34:00.000-08:00

So I got creative on my study breaks :)

I'm Just Gonna State the Obvious..

2008-12-09T21:12:00.000-08:00

duh.

We All Have Our Demons We Must Face

2008-11-27T19:26:00.000-08:00

we all have things that affect us. for some it's dealing with loss, for others it's being alone.
today is thanksgiving. and i give thanks for the amazing family i was blessed with but holidays can be hard. i spent thanksgiving with my dad as always and i come home and my mom is out of it. i can tell she ha been sad and hurt that she can't spend thanksgiving with her kids. she went to bed at eight without coming out to see me. it hurts so bad to see her hurt. i wish i could be in two places at once but i can't. divorce sucks. i'm used to it by now but every once in awhile it comes back and slaps me hard across the face. it's heartbreaking sometimes.

Just Wanted To Say..

2008-11-23T20:26:00.000-08:00

Thanksgiving break is a gift from God! Finally I can sleep! :) And be lazy all day!
Except when I have to work..and study for finals.
But still..no school ;)
<3

So I Think I'm In Love...

2008-11-21T11:47:00.000-08:00

with Robert Pattinson..aka *Edward Cullen* from Twilight
I wish he wasn't just a fictional character (sigh..)
<3
just thought i would let you all know that he will be my husband one day! :)

I Miss My Mayberry

2008-11-19T22:00:00.001-08:00

i remember how simple and innocent everything used to be. it makes me cry sometimes to think about it. there's an ache in my heart that yearns for that time again. a time of stability, when friends were always there, i got to see my family whenever, home actually felt like home, youth group was always every sunday, listening to a quiet guitar under a starry sky, when friends didnt have to deal with terrible stuff, when i had a place to escape to, when i could believe that promises last forever. innocence..where did it go? no worry..where did it go? growing up comes at a price.

Let Me Just Take a Second...

2008-11-18T19:53:00.000-08:00

to thank God for all that he has blessed my life with. i am so incredibly grateful for everything, every opportunity, and especially everyone in my life. this semester has been a drain on my emotions and taken a toll both mentally and physically but that's ok. i have so much good in my life that i can focus on.
~i have been given the opportunity to attend a university that i know and love.
~i have also been granted the chance to represent that university through participation on the tiger eyes flag line. little girls want to be me, they come up and ask or pictures and stare and say how pretty we look. that makes my day. it also keeps me in decent shape with pregame. my calves don't lie :)
~i have been given the chance to strengthen old friendships and gain new ones.
~i've taken trips and been able to go out and dance with friends.
~i still see my family unlike many college students.
~ i have the most amazing and supportive friends in the whole world. i truly love them.
~my life is amazing. the end. i would not trade it for anyone else's.
there is so much for me to be grateful for. i just wanted to say thank you. for everyone who is in my life, i love you so much and am so happy that you are a part of it.

Some Fall 08 Pics

2008-11-07T08:21:00.001-08:00

Us at the Top of Tiger Walk with Aubie!
Halloween 08. Boo Nick Saban! He was definitely th scariest costume there!

Random Night downtown

My 15 seconds of fame lol

Us at the Opryland Resort before the AU Vandy game which we performed in..

Halloween 2008. I was killer bee, we also had gansters, hannah montana, barbie, among others

Beach trip. Late October.

March Around before pregame :)

Ole Miss vs Auburn at Oxford. Went as a student :)

So it's been a pretty fun year so far! :) this is only a little of what we've done but it's been amazing. crazy and amazing!

This One is for My Uncle

2008-11-07T08:19:00.001-08:00

the ohio state vs michigan rivalry will never NEVER top the auburn vs alabama rivalry.
sorry to tell you such heartbreaking news :)
love you!

Oh and One Last Thing..

2008-10-21T21:12:00.000-07:00

Micheal Buble is fabulous. everyone should see him in concert :))))))

We'll Sit Beneath the Mango Tree, now, Yeah it's Always Better When We're Together..

2008-10-21T20:46:00.000-07:00

oh my my has it been a long long time. i guess that's what happens when your life is consumed with college school work, band, football, and somehow hanging out with friends, getting stuff cleaned, grocery shopping, and whatever else may come along.
college is hard as hell. i know it is supposed to be but i studied for one test more than i studied for four years in high school and i still did not do well. honors writing is not working. i dont know what he wants and therefore i cant seem to write a decent paper. i really hope i can keep my scholarship. i have never in my life been more stressed about school. never. i got an A on my biology exam though...something positive.
band takes just about every free second i have. i love it so much but really i am so glad we have a couple weeks off with no football games. plus au needs to step up..not playing so hot this year..:p
speaking of friends, i am so glad that i have them. they have kept my head above water this semester. except that one of my best friends jasmine basically hates me right now. sorry for not supporting her even considering getting engaged after knowing/dating a boy for four months. and i was never mean about it. not to mention that i worry all the time about molly. she's so sad because of her dad's death but she doesnt want to deal. however we have gotten even closer this year becasue of all of the craziness.
of course it has been amazing too! going out whenever i want. dancing and doing whatever at bourbon street bar is great fun-lets just say those were some crazzzyyy nights. plus parties and movie nights. or just chillin at insomnia with the guys is always a blast. plus the nashville trip and this weekend i'm going to the beach and the next to ole miss for the game as a student! i can actually wear a cute orange dress!
really this semester has flown by..i love college..but sometimes it makes me sad to think how easy and carefree a lot of stuff used to be. it hurts to see how much so much has changed. now look i know things change..duh..life would be blah if it didnt but sometimes it is just overwhelming. it's hard to even describe what i'm talking about..it just hurts sometimes.
also i realized. i love going to church. i didnt go for about a month because i needed sleep but i need to go. it gives me such a sense of peace..the silence and familiarity is so..comforting.
this blog has been quite random..dont think i'm depressed or anything. i'm just adjusting to a new life. and my life..yea..i wouldn't trade it for anything. as long as i've got a friend there to care and laugh with and as long as i do the best i can, well what else can i ask for? *no one said life would be easy, but in the end it is so worth it. you know i heard a quote and there is no truer word spoken than the last line.."As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let us down, probably will. You'll have your heart broken and you'll break others' hearts. You'll fight with your best friend or maybe even fall in love with them, and you'll cry because time is flying by. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, forgive freely, and love like you've never been hurt. Life comes with no guarantees, no time outs, no second chances. you just have to live life to the fullest, tell someone what they mean to you and tell someone off, speak out, dance in the pouring rain, hold someone's hand, comfort a friend, fall asleep watching the sun come up, stay up late, be a flirt, and smile until your face hurts. Don't be afraid to take chances or fall in love and most of all, live in the moment because every second you spend angry or upset is a second of happiness you can never get back".
long quote but still..

Holy Hell...

2008-09-19T20:30:00.000-07:00

Ok so I am trying to be a good friend. And do the right thing. Sometimes I don't know what that is..I'm only 18 for goodness sakes!
I confronted a friend about bulima..
I'm trying to get another friend to actually grieve(the only time she ever does is when she's drunk) for her passed away father. And trying to get her to actually care about living and having fun.
Also trying to help a friend fix a boy problem. One in which he is trying to be an amazing boyfriend but is smothering her. She allows it becasue she feels guilty(whole different story..). He wants to propose to her. They've dated 3 months. I don't know what to say because she's not ready for marriage.
And oh yeah, I have classes and tests and homework and have to lose weight. Obviously friends are way way more important than any of that and I want them to all be ok. I just sometimes don't know what to say and it kinda sucks. I love them all like sisters. They will not get hurt anymore if I can help it.
So yeah..crazy times.
But of course there is good stuff too..

I Don't Know About all of This...

2008-09-11T12:29:00.000-07:00

So college is HARD! I'm kind of gettig sick of spending my evenings in the library. I'm a little overwhelmed at the moment. But I can do it!
Another thing..losing weight/dieting is next to impossible. I'm trying to drop ten pounds and it is not happening. :/ Gotta look better in that flag uniform..
But one exciting thing is that espn is filming the aumb for national television and battle of the bands so look out for us on there!
I've figured out what would cure all of this stress..a weekend...or week..beach trip..anyone up for the trip? :)

Bodegeta Bodegeta Bodegeta Ba. Ra Ra Ra...

2008-09-01T10:20:00.000-07:00

Me and our lovely orange and blue uniforms!

The lovely Tiger Eyes on the jumbotron!

Aubie and some of the flag line in the stands.

The 2008-2009 Flag Line at AU!

So last Saturday(Aug. 30, 2008) was my first AU football game as a college student and a performer! It was so exciting! Once we got through the three hour gameday reherasal it was a lot of fun! The AUMB participated in Tiger Walk, Spirit March, Four Corners Pep Rally, March Around(which I got to be on the Jumbotron!!), Pregame, and Halftime! Pregame was the best. At first it was terrifying! We waited in the tunnel for about ten minutes looking up at the full stands of almost 90,000 people. Then it off we went and did our famous pregame! so much fun!! The game got boring by the end because we were kicking butt but we still had to cheer! Lead the students!
I love Auburn Football!

So Friendship Is...?

2008-08-25T19:05:00.000-07:00

So over the past few days which have been full of fights and very mean things said, I've tried to think about what friendship really means. Basically a friend of mine gave me an ulitmatium that if I did not be friends with his girlfriend(who has called me not nice names and never shown an interest in meeting me until after we dated) I would lose him as a friend regardless of my feelings in the situation. And so in case you were just overly curious about what those feelings might be, well you're about to find out. So Tyler and I started being friends in about March or April when Joe introduced us all. During the summer our constant(and i mean four to five times a week) hangout group was Tyler, Joe, Jasmine, Molly, and me. So as you can imagine we all got really close in the relatively short period of time. Well from about May, Tyler decided that he wanted to date me. I was very hesitant because while I trusted him as a friend, I did not trust him in the dating area because of Chelsea, the girl mentioned at the top. She was his ex girlfriend that he had been in love with and he constantly would bring up in conversation. Although he did promise me that he was over her and that if she came back, then it was just too bad for her, my instinct told me that no matter what I was going to lose to her in the end..it had happened with other guys. But being me I ignored that instinct and chose to trust him instead. So I fell for him. By the end of the summer though we both decided to call it quits because of different schools and how busy we were both going to be, however he assured me that he still cared a lot for me. It hurt more for me because I fell more at the end of summer compared to him falling more at the beginning. So college begins and everything is going well. We've both gotten used to being friends and as far as I was concerned we were better friends than before we "dated".
So the first night of classes he asks me if I'm still visiting on Friday. I said yes I wanted to see my good friend. He asked if it was cool if Chelsea came. I told him that as much as I wanted to hang out with some of the old summer group, I did not want to hang out with her. It wasn't her personally. It was more of my own feelings and how it was a slap in the face because I knew he wanted to get back with her. I didn't care if they got back together, I just didn't want it thrown in my face especially after trusting him all summer when I knew he was still in love with her. I think that's fair thinking..don't you? So he grudgingly agreed. Then the Thursday before I head down, he lets me know that since it was bid night that she might stop by for a few minutes and he asked me to please be cool about it. So I agreed..because what's a few minutes right? Even though this girl had badmouthed me and threatened to fight me. Both of which I ignored. This made me a little hesitant to go down because I really wanted no drama. I hate it!
Then the trip to Troy University came. You might have read that incredibly dreary poem that I wrote..yeah that followed this..incident. So it was my first Friday as a college student and I leave to meet up with Tyler down at Troy since he had already come back home twice since he moved. It was going to be me, Joe, Clara(Joe's girlfriend and a friend of mine) and Tyler hanging out..maybe hit up a party or something at Troy. That changed abrubtly. The three of us are hanging out at his trailer when he walks in absolutly furious. He didn't get the bid for ATO, the one fraternity he wanted. So we all just kind of let him chill out and guess who shows up..Chelsea of course. Well I stuck by what I said and I was never mean to her and I didn't say anything to Tyler since he was stressed. Well this girl doesn't say hello to me or anything, just walks right by me to the inside and plans to stay the whole time. I was hiding it but I was shaking from anger and plenty of other emotions, if my hands had been out of my pockets they would've visibly been able to be seen moving! So Clara notices that my face is just a little stressed looking(I swear I was trying to hide it!) and decides that we should go for a walk. So I explain about what I explained to you in the beginning and she told me that Chelsea had intentionally planned to come over and act saccrine sweet just to piss me off. Well congratulations to Chelsea, it worked. She didn't need to do that. Tyler and I are just friends. *Sidenote: tyler and chelsea get back together while I am in the trailer. Real nice right?* So I tell Clara that I am driving back home. So I go inside to grab my keys and tell Tyler I'll see him later. He jumps down my throat and says that I am being a bitch and should make an effort to be friends with her. I keep my temper down but tell him that I explained why this sucks so bad earlier in the week. So as I turn to walk out, Chelsea is sitting on the couch looking at me with the biggest fake smile. I just keep walking but that is the absolute closest I have ever been to punching someone in the face. By the way she is dressed to kill. All we were doing is hanging out. I wonder why she did that??? hmmm..GRRR! So I make it to the car before I lose control for a second. So I leave to start the two hour drive home..in the rain...at night when Tyler calls and tells me to come back. I calmly explain what I've already explained at least three times and he blows up. He starts cussing and calling me a terrible friend because I won't be her friend. It means a lot to him he says. And I ask him if my feelings mean anything to him. I told him I'm not going to bad mouth her, I'm not going to start anything with her, I just don't want to be buddy buddy with her. This is when he says if I am not friends with her, I am not friends with him. So basically I feel as though I've lost a friendship in the course of an hour. I felt completely betrayed and stabbed in the back. Why was he not even looking at my feelings. As soon as it came to what she wanted, he was blind to everything else. So two hours later I get home.
I don't here from him until today: Monday. And it's not to apologize. He asks if I've decided to be friends with Chelsea. I told him no and I tell him that it hurt really badly that he gave me that ultimatium. And that if feels like our friendship means nothing. He says so what and says it still stands. About twenty minutes later I ask him to explain again why it was so important to him that I like her and be buddy buddy with her even though it hurts me and she was never nice to me. He says "because". That's the end of that convo. Chelsea then takes the incintive to text me and bitch me out. The short version is that she says that because Tyler wants her to, she is "tolerating" me. Now according to Tyler she actually wanted to be friends with me. Bull. So I proceed to finally snap at her. Tyler calls and says we're done as friends because I insulted his girlfriend. I mean it's not like she didn't say anything.. So as of that point our friendship is truly over. And then later he tells me that I was a terrible friend, not just now, but all summer. And the ultimatium still stands. Well then I told him that he was actually being a pretty terrible friend. Friendship doesn't force unnecessary pain on the other friend. He said we were never true friends and that he didn't care anymore.
End of story. What's really sad is that I considered him one of my very very good friends and I trusted him completely. Guess I read that all wrong.
My opinion now on what TRUE friendship is. Friendship doesn't allow something to hurt one knowingly. Friendship is not based on the idea of "well if I'll do this for you, then you should do this for me". Friends do not verbally abuse the other one-they may fight but you still should be concious of what you say. FRIENDSHIP IS UNCONDITIONAL.
Ok so I don't know if really portrayed very well the hurt and betrayal I felt and the degree of mean Tyler and Chelsea went to but it was bad. I don't do this with friends ever. Sure we fight but never like this. And what sucks is that I still want his friendship back. I am stupid.

Losing a Friend

2008-08-22T23:33:00.000-07:00

Heartbreaking,

An unfullfilled hole.

A knife in the back,

Twisted several times.

Unexpected. Like walking into a brick wall.

End of the memories,

The 'good times',

The laughter.

It leaves you winded,

And brings you to your knees.

Unstoppable tears,

Remorse for the broken trust.

Emotional upheaval,

Unable to forget.

Sadness fighting anger.

I miss you already,

You don't deserve it.

Yeah, it hurts. Tonight sucked. Add in four hours of pointless driving and it was just the icing on the cake. Great first Friday in college. :/

Man Dang!

2008-08-19T19:49:00.000-07:00

So these past two weeks have been crazy! Moving into the dorms, preseason camp for the Auburn University Marching Band, and of course my first college classes!

So starting at the top: moving out....wow! I've been waiting for that one for over a year..but really even though I didn't move far, it was still sad. I still missed my home and bed. And my parents and sister. It's scary too! Not too mention having to say good bye to some friends. It made me incredibly ad when Tyler left because we've gotten to be such good friends and who knows when we'll see each other again..I mean he's only about two hours away but we're both so busy-me with flag and football and him with rush and other things... But besides the sad part my room is pretty ballin! Except that I'm gonna have to move everything out when the new furniture gets here soon... :p

Ok so then last week(August 8-16) was AUMB preseason camp. That was an insane week. Our days consisted of waking up for seven thirty am RAT(rookie auburn tiger) drills, practice outside for four hours, a small lunch break, pracice for four and a half more hours, a small break, and then practice for another three. So pretty much we practiced from seven thirty am until eight at night.. LONG days. haha. But we did learn our entire show (The Rolling Stones by the way) and our crazy exciting pregame (including the "jog"..ha! more like a sprint with high knees..btw if you don't know what it looks like look up 'Auburn Univerity Pregame' on Youtube) plus the march around for the stadium and stand tunes/cheers. But I do have a very interesting story that happened the monday of band camp...So I got a concussion..A girl was throwing a rifle and she overthrew it and cracked me in the back of the head. Now let me tell you that show rifles weigh way more than a flag ever will and are solid..so that hurt. Apparently people heard the crack across the practice field. So this made my vision funny, made me dizzy, constant headaches, and nauseous so practice was kind of a bitch for the rest of the week..especially since I couldn't do it full out because jumping and running and getting hit in the head were not allowed(and seeing as we have tosses in our routines it was slightly difficult lol). But besides that the team bonding stuff was fun..like watching the olympics..oh michael phelps :)

Finally camp ends and college begins! My schedule is not too bad-bio, psych, hospitality and management, honors writing seminar, tiger eyes and band. It's really weird after high school. The classes are so short-only fifty minutes-compared to the ninety six minute classes in high school. Not to mention we have breaks all day..And attendance at some is not mandatory-but im going! We had our first pep rally for "Welcome Week" and I got to perform in it with the band so that was a blast. And singing the Alma Mater for the first time with a lot of my classmates gave me chills. I can't wait to just get inot the swing of things.. The only thing i miss is seeing my besties everyday as we walk to class..I never see them...it's such a big campus and so many people..twenty three thousand.. WAR EAGLE!

Summer Pictures

2008-08-05T16:06:00.000-07:00

So here are some pictures from the previous blog..

St. Joe's..the ladies
Me and Meagan..Love the faces!
The cousins at the 4th!
Cooling off on that hot hot beach trip
Ben, Kiera, and me at my graduation!

Summer's End in Sweet Home Alabama

2008-08-04T17:25:00.000-07:00

Well I just figured I should do a little blog about Summer 2008! It was crazy, amazing, sad, fufilling and frustrating all at the same time. It is definitely one to remember. From traveling all over the place to just hanging out at home by the pool, it was a fun one.

Well let's see it all started with my senior youth beach trip during Senior Week to St. Joseph's Peninsula in Florida. This was just about the best beach trip I've ever taken. We spent the days doing whatever we pleased including chillin on the beach and messing around in the water. There was one day where we took out a kayak and of course with us and our luck we got flipped but still besides getting bruised in the ribs it was a ton of fun! We made homeade sushi and ate a lot of food and stayed up close to dawn everynight. It was our last celebration as being seniors in the class of 2008.

Graduation: May 23, 2008! Royal blue robes, moving the tassel, singing the Alma Mater. The whole deal! It was amazing! And I was so happy that my little cousins and Uncle Dave and Aunt Shannon made it. Along with my grandparents of course! Besides this being the symbol of the end of high school, the most memorable thing was getting my eyelashes cut off and getting sliced right under my eye by a graduation cap. I won't forget my graduation. lol.

Next came a cruise to the Eastern Caribbean! Coco Cay, St. Thomas, St. Maarten! Meagan and I had a blast on the Mariner of the Seas Royal Caribbean. We ate about a months worth of delicious food in a week. No joke the french fries were amazing! And so was the seafood and fancy desserts of course! We loved Coki Beach (yummy mango drinks!) on St. Thomas and all of the wonderful shopping with our freebie coupons! Jewelry galore!! One of the most fun times on the ship was sneaking into the Dragon's Lair and dancing until late! It was an experience alright. And I can't forget the time Meagan decided to lay across the railing on the top deck just to scare me to death. We met a lot of cool people... Yay Canada!! And we did some pretty cool stuff like parasailing and snorkling..except that we thought mom drowned because she got with the other group and we couldn't find her. Good times, good times. But seriously most of that trip was absolutly amazing!

Ok ok so the 4th of July annual family reunion wasn't too bad either. Spending days on the lake..watching Ben go crazy everytime he got to swim an Kiera practically cling to whoever held her near the water was priceless. Not too mention getting to hang out with all of the extended family who live forever and a day away from Alabama. Cookie cake was definitely the dessert of the trip and yoo hoo is still the drink to beat! The three older "kids" (that being me, jess,and kendall) rocked out in the mustang, and crazy makeovers were done on the last night. It was a fast trip as always but still it was fun. I miss everyone so damn much!

My last trip of the summer was to the beach again except this time we camped. It was quite hot and humid and I don't recommend camping in the summer. But the beach was just as beautiful as always. Mollers, Joe, Tyler, and I had a blast swimming around, snorkeling in the bay, and eating...haha of course. And then there was our quest to find food at ten at night in the quiet town on St. George's Island...We ended up at a gas station where I was asked where "Lake Bum" is.. *Note: there is no Lake Bum.. It was on my shorts...meaning I am a lake bum.* Funny times.

So besides the trips there was hanging out at Target as we always do..except the popcorn went up sixty two cents..sad sad day...and swimming at Molly's and Jasmine's. Oh and of course all of our trips to Insomnia with Tyler and Joe. And the constant hanging out at Tylers..oh his poor poor grass. :) And let's not forget the parties and dancing at Sky Bar.

Oh and what would summer be without guys.. :) Fun times, sad times, intense times, and crazy funny times. Ole Chadaroosky(Chad) on the ship was a cute little fling. But the one that I'll actually remember was Tyler. Late nights with him were sweet and he was a good guy but I sure thought about stuff too much. I thought way too much before I jumped. It sucks that vision is only perfect in retrospect... *sigh*. He turned out to be a great great friend though. Not to mention dealing with Jasmine and Brandon and his ridiculousness.

So this summer was quite a full one. And a memorable one. So all I can say is bring on college!

The random things you should know..

2008-08-01T12:45:00.000-07:00

Samantha Spring Trupp

1. I am a college freshman at Auburn University in the fall of 2008.

2. I grew up in Alabama and never moved.

3. I am 18 and tall.

4. My full name is samantha spring trupp but i prefer one my nicknames: sam, trupples, slim, waffles, sammy. By the way there are funny stories to some of those.

5. I am a memeber of the 2008 Tiger Eyes Flag Line in the AU Marching Band. This means i will get to wear a pretty costume and twirl a flag during halftime shows.

6. I have played flute since the seventh grade and piano since third (i think) and truly enjoy making music.

7. I played soccer for ten years. Rec, club/travel and high school.

8. I even tried dance-ballet, jazz, and hip hop. This was quite an experience but I loved it..but it was purely fun. I really don't think i have a lot of talent in that area. :)

9. I consider myself a very laid back person and i laugh at everything. I'm the kind of person who laughs and people give me weird looks because it's really not funny.

10. I am a very smart person but i can make some pretty dumb comments.

11. I was raised a Lutheran and I love my little church.

13. I can keep up with the boys when it comes to watching and talking about football. I love going to games and cheering like a maniac.

13. I am a sucker for happy endings. And I am a hopelss romantic and sometimes too much of an idealist/dreamer.

14. But i can be very level headed and sometimes i think too much before i jump.

15. I absolutley love quotes. All kinds. Funny, inspirational, love, famous, stuff my wonderful friends say..

16. Speaking of friends. I have the best in the world. No other person's are better. I am very protective of them and I may be one of the youngest but I am the mama of the group.

17. I seriously think southern people are the nicest ever. And yes i use "ya'll" all of the time. Not to mention the that some of the best things are from the south such as sweet tea and southern cooking. I am a southern girl. Now and forever. I have a slight twange on my accent but that's fine with me.

18. I am one of the most trusting people you'll probably ever meet. And one of the most open minded.

19. I say I am a republican in case you were wondering. but i am pretty much smack in the middle of the spectrum.

20. I am a very independent person but it's always nice to know that family and friends are always there.

21. I am a picture fiend. I have thousands of pictures. Personally I think that there's no better way to remember something than a photograph.

22. I don't give up on people and I dont stay angry for long. It takes too much out of me.

23. I am a "the glass is half full" kind of girl. Bad stuff has happened and always will but it's not something i can control. I have to find that silver lining.

24. I am a rollar coaster fanatic. The bigger and faster they are the better.

25. I am deathly afraid of snakes. My biggest fear is losing someone or being forgotten.

26. I could eat mashed potatoes, chocolate strawberries, and sushi (not together of course) any time anywhere. Yum!

27. I am a random random person. But I hate to be late. It makes me mad when people cannot be on time. It's not that hard.

28. I truly believe that you should enjoy everything you can at every chance you get because you may never get that chance again.

I'm sure i could say more but really this is long enough.