Wait...I'm Not a Freshman Anymore? Whaaaat??

2009-2010 AU Flag Line :)

2009-2010 Auburn University Tiger Eyes

And I Thank My Lucky Stars I'm Alive and Well

Crying is not exactly what most people-including myself-would call fun. But you know what, sometimes letting those tears cascade without attempting to stem the flow is so very good for your well being. Crying releases that poison that has been coarsing through you for how ever long. You know that poison I'm talking about-sadness, hate, anger, whatever-the kind that is so suffocating that it feels like the weight cannot be lifted. Crying lightens the load, if only for a short time. But that short bit of freedom is enough to make you realize that you'll be ok in the end. So let it out. Tears have a surprising healing power that should not be underestimated.

You Know What I Want?

I want a love that's unfailing, forever plus eternity, a love that doesn't fade. I saw that today while I was working. It was pouring down rain and this old couple, probably in their 70s or 80s get out of the car. The man holds the umbrella over his wife so that she doesn't get wet, even though he does. He also follows behind her with a gentle, guiding hand so that she, being a woman in her 80's, doesn't slip and fall. It was one of those moments that would look beautiful in an old black and white photograph. Now that's real love, a love that has grown and blossomed, not a love that has been torn and throw away. This love was like coming home, an everlasting, beautiful, absolute comfort that allows one to be so deeply connected with another that they are literally halves of each other. One cannot function without the other. True soulmates. I sincerely hope that everyone can find that. I hope I can find that.

I Think I'll Try Defying Gravity and You Can't Pull Me Down

:) <33333

bored on the two hour car ride to birmingham

getting ready to leave..all dressed up for the show

casino royale

so last weekend was fun..i went back to prom (boy did i feel OLD). the theme was james bond-casino royale. i kept it simple with a shimmery black dress and i had a good time. and sunday i saw wicked. that was absolutely phenomenal. definitely a must see. and two weeks from today i will be officially done with my freshman year! woah! it went fast..but that's for another blog.

What A Desperatly Sad Time

One bright spot: I made the Tiger Eyes Flag Line again for the 2009-2010 season! :)
These last couple weeks have been terrible ones. On the not as important side I recieved a heartache (yes just an ache not a break) by the same guy again..you'd think I'd learn but Idon't. He's says I'm special and beautiful and he wants to be with me but then decides he just can't have a girlfriend right now and rips the floor out from under my feet. Time to move on for real this time I think. But I really cared about him. I felt safe with him and trusted him and believed everything he said. And maybe he really has too much stuff going on to treat a girlfriend right or maybe not but regardless of the truth, I'm left hurt.
Getting a little more serious. My best friend is gone. Not physically, but I've lost her. She's not my best friend anymore. We don't have that thing anymore where we always talk, always can tell whether the other needs a smile, a hand to hold, a goofy girls night...I've seen her maybe twice in the last month. And it hurts so horribly bad. She was there during the worst time in mylife a few years back, she was there through the first heartbreaks and silly crushes and first kisses. I could always count on her to understnad, to empathize, to laugh with, to cry with and vice versa. Now if we hang out, there are a lot more awkward silences and nothing to talk about. It's not there anymore and it breaks my heart. I'll always be here if she needs me of course but I don't know if we'll ever be the same again.
Now on to the serious stuff. A student was killed in a car crash last Thursday night. His name was Brandon. He was 19, graduated with me from Auburn High, and was a freshman at Auburn. I wasn't close to him but it shook me when I heard. Not only was it someone from my school, but he was MY age. It could've been anyone of my close friends, it could've been me. It's not fair that someone who as just a freshman in college was killed in a freak car accident involving hydroplaning and another car. He was only beginning to make his way in the world. Why does shit like this happen? It's just so scary to think that life is so cruel sometimes. It makes me terribly sad when I think of how close to home this could've hit. And when I think of the parents who had to bury their child today..no parent should ever EVER have to go through that..tears just fall. It's just not right. I ask in prayer: Dear Lord please be with the family, girlfriend, and friends he left behind. Please help them grieve and pull through. Help them to accept this terrible tragedy and understand that they will see him again some day in heaven. Help them look to you for peace and and a sense of calm when they feel like they are slipping under. Just be with them. And please take Brandon into your arms in heaven. In Your name I pray, Amen.

Alabama Weather

beautiful stuff

is crazy! In ONE weekend we had a tornado, then 70 and sunny, and then SNOWWWWW! :)

I Recall The Times We've Had, Hangin On My Wall

Everything is my fault. Or so I was told. Good bye my old friend. Obviously I wasn't good enough for you to keep as a friend and I was informed of such tonight. You wanted to date me again. We were doing so well, our friendship was on stable ground. I haven't heard from you since you asked me to date..again(and I have no way to get in touch with you since your phone is dead. and you never get on facebook) after this summer's disasterous attempt in which you double crossed me. I finally "chat" with you tonight on facebook. It's all my fault you say that you have let me go. Well if you are ready to give up this friendship and blame it all on "stuff going on" that you refuse to talk to me about, you let this be your reason. "You don't know me! You don't know my life!" Well I've tried. I can't read minds. You can't expect me to understand what is happening to you if you never let me, or anyone else for that matter, in..even the slightest bit. So once again I'm not good enough to be your friend. I don't do the right thing, right according to you anyway. "Kthxbye" was the end of it. Then I was deleted from your friends. I'll be surprised if I ever hear from you again. Wow. I just can't believe you would end a friendship after this long. I'm afraid that I'm gonna be saying "I have no idea where or who he is today" down the road in the future. And that hurts. No matter how badly you treated me friends or otherwise. The idea of never seeing or hearing from a friend again is terrifying. But obviously you're manipulative lying self made me believe that you cared when really I was just another person for you to use and then let fall off the ledge. So it's good-bye. And this time I think it's for real. So good-bye my old friend. I will not forget you ever. People, good and bad, have entered my life and left footprints on my heart. I guess you weren't meant to be a forever friend. Good-bye.

I Did Promise..

we're awesome. don't argue. :)

So here are some lovely pictures from the new year! Not much new is happening execpt that I got roped into playing intramural basketball..which btw I suck at..but that's ok..it's all good fun..until we get competetive :)

It snowed in Tennessee!!!!!! I love it!

Watching our undefeated lady tigers beat some bama butt!

Back to the good ole trampoline days :)

here are some pictures from new year's eve!

me getting ready to karoke. and then some of the group!

A Random Note

This is ridiculous..who on earth should have that many books for one semester? UGGHHHHH!

We wrapped up the AUMB season at our banquet..it was really sad! I miss running pregame already! And seeing all of my awesome friends!

Next item of business..time for a little ranting. why on earth is it that it seems all guys want from me is hook ups hook ups hook ups..(and i mean really hooking up not just kissing). I mean is chilvary really dead?? It shouldn't be! Why do they only want me to have sex with themmmm???? This is not fair! I just want a sweet guy! UGHHHHHGGGHHH!

School has started again as you can see from my lovely book picture.. i am taking principles of microeconomics, honors writing seminar II, biology II, ethics, and world history..pretty big course load..16 hours. But more free time because of no band. :(

Once again I am trying to lose weight because it is very possible that i gained every pound of the 15 I'd lost when i was being healthy back. i dont know for sure becasue i haven't gotten on a scale but i can tell i've gained weight. ew. so back to food logs and eating right all the time and doing ellipitcal and ab work until i fall over. lol. time to make another workout playlist on the old i-pod lol.

It's been pretty quiet since I got back to the dorms..but Miami over Christmas was beautiful..great beach weather.. And New Years Eve was fantastic in Auburn..

oh and p.s. once i get my other new years pics and random stuff uploaded i'll put another picture blog in!

Country Singers Say It Just Right..

"You can't smile until you've shed some tears....I love this crazy, tragic, sometimes almost magic, awful beautiful life." ~Darryl Worley

It's true. Life..it's just a whirlwind. There are gonna be bad times, sad times, hard times, and even terrible times but then of course life is also gonna bless you with sweet, calming, exciting, and hilarious moments that make those awful times bearable.

Yes people pass away, families are broken, friends lie, hearts get ripped apart, people get hurt. BUT people will surprise you too..they can be a great source of comfort, love, and happiness and be there to celebrate the good times which are more than just few and far between.

This is why through the rough stuff and the sucky stuff you have to keep your head held high and do your best to smile through adversity. You have to accept that it's going to happen. Don't run from it. Turn around and look it dead in the eye and face. You don't want to be running for your whole life anyway..do you? Eventually you'd get tired.

You just have to hope that there will be more good times than bad. Remember that darkness doesn't last forever, eventually it will clear. Hang on tight and love the ride.

My New Years Revealation :)
Happy 2009!